Monthly Newsletter: The Renaissance of Family by Oliver DeMille
Published: Mon, 02/01/10
 "Empowering Ordinary Citizens to Make an Extraordinary Difference"
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The Renaissance of Family By Oliver DeMille
Whatever happens in
Washington, Wall Street, Main Street, Hollywood or Silicon Valley in the next
ten years, it will all be irrelevant if our families don't come together at a
much higher level.
Without a renaissance of family, no new candidate can rise to save us. No new legislation, policy or
program will heal our land.
On the other hand, the
buttressing and revitalization of our society at the most basic level of
family, though it be quiet and virtually ignored, is the most powerful catalyst
to the revitalization of our freedom and prosperity.
Rising Pressures on the Family
In crisis periods of history
like the one we are now experiencing, virtually everything changes --in major and surprising ways.
Since few people realize that
historical cycles are driving things, most are frustrated and feel
vulnerable and even victimized by widespread changes.
Many turn to government to
solve our most pressing problems, hoping it can work miracles. Others turn to
different institutions. Still others rely on their own individual efforts.
Few, however, realize the
power of families in such times. Indeed, increased financial challenges and
frightening world events often amplify the pressure on marriage and family
relationships.
Divorce rates increase,
family dysfunction grows, and people look outside the family for more and more
help--at the very time family members need each other and
can help each other the most.
Buckle Up; The Crisis is
Just Getting Started
"But the crisis is over,"
some say.
Gross Domestic Product is a
preferred indicator by economists to determine growth or recession. GDP is
calculated by combining several factors including private profits, capital
values and government spending.
GDP has been in recession for
the past year, but it showed small growth in the third quarter of 2009, causing
some to that we are in a recovery.
The fact is that this
"recovery" was actually one more quarter of decreased profits and capital
values--no change in the trend of economic slowing there--masked by the other
factor: government spending in the form of Cash for Clunkers and other bailouts.
And since government gets its
money either by taxing the private sector or printing money, it can't keep
spending like this and maintaining a "recovery" for long without drastically
raising taxes or causing inflation.
In short, reports that a
recovery is here to stay are, let us say, premature. A lasting recovery will
only happen if profits and values also increase. Also, one of the better
indicators of where we are is the unemployment rate, which continues to worsen.
As the Family Goes, So
Goes the Nation
This means that pressure on
families is almost certain to increase for the months and probably years ahead.
Crisis Periods in history are preceded by Good-Times Periods, then followed by
Rebuilding Periods.
If the cycles of history hold
true and we face major military conflict and even the draft in the decade
ahead, or even if unemployment continues to worsen, families will face even
more challenges.
I am an optimist, and I'm
convinced that great things are ahead for America and the world.
But let's be clear about one
thing: Our nation and our world will rise no higher than our families. If the
family continues to decline, so will peace, prosperity, freedom and happiness.
The experts have studies and
graphs outlining the details, but history is absolutely clear on this point:The future of the family is the future of our world. Higher numbers of
single-adult, single-parent and other non-traditional families are included in
this great opportunity.
A Disturbing Divergence
From the Past
In past Crisis Periods,
layoffs and failed businesses have resulted in the family pulling together--planting gardens, starting businesses, chopping wood
to save on fuel, and otherwise facing upheavals and trials and working to overcome
them together.
In our current world, with
its urbanized and technologically advanced lifestyle, we aren't following this
pattern of family retrenchment. We aren't relying less on paychecks and more on
the family farm, or even leaving the family farm to find opportunity in places
like the New World (1780s), the West (1860s), or California (1930s).
In our times, no geographical
Promised Land has arisen to deliver us.
At the same time, the modern
world keeps us busy and separated from each other--kids at school, youth with groups of friends, mom and
dad holding down multiple jobs or seeking employment, etc.
Even where both adults in
some homes are unemployed, they don't necessarily spend more time together, but
rather cope with their stresses and seek solutions independently.
Diminished finances for
vacations, no time off at a new job, productivity-related compensation and
workplace competitiveness all bring pressure to emphasize less family time and
more work time.
And the technologies that
used to be tools to help connect us have turned on their masters. No longer
luxuries, they have gone from being pervasive to invasive to divisive; each
family member has his own unique and virtual social life, and family life
suffers as a result.
The average American couple
in 2009 spends only 16 minutes a day talking with each other, according to a
report in Men's Health. Half of
that time is spent discussing things like household chores and finances,
leaving very little time to build relationships.
The same article reported that "lack of quality time" is the number one
cause of tension in couples' relationships in 2009--more than finances, work
issues or other challenges.
Unlike past Crisis Periods,
we are spending less time together just talking and having fun as couples and
families than we did even in the past two decades. Rather than refocusing on
our marriage and family relationships during Crisis, we are pulling even
further apart.
The Potential Tragedy of Lost Opportunities
The simplistic reason that
Good-Time Periods turn into Crisis Periods is that families turn away from each
other to serve the agendas of corporations, marketing firms, schools and
others.
Crisis Periods are all about
recapturing the most important things--especially happy and successful families. If families
don't come together, strengthen communities, build new entrepreneurial
enterprises and begin to rebuild society, we won't see the benefits of a great
Rebuilding Period ahead.
This is a potential tragedy
of Dark Ages proportions. Just consider Rome in the first century, France in
the late Seventeenth Century, the South after the Civil War, or modern
Cambodia, Bosnia or Rwanda.
A society has no destiny that
is not tied to the strength of its families. Without a family renaissance, no
society rebounds from crisis.
The Good News
The good news in all this is
that the bad news is good
news: If the biggest challenge in our families is lack of quality time and
taking the time to really talk, then the solutions are simple.
What if you spent a lot more
time with your spouse talking about less urgent, more important, more fun
things and enjoying each other? What if you did the same with each of your
children, siblings and/or parents?
Not everyone has all these
options, but clearly not enough of those who do have families are giving them
enough attention and effort.
What if families spent two or
three evenings a week and half a day each weekend doing fun things,
entrepreneurial ventures and/or service projects together?
Together is the key word here. This is truly the way that
Crisis Periods in history are solved at the grassroots level.
Usually economic or political
realities force family unity and mutual cooperation in surviving and making a
living. In our day it is still as vital to ending the attitudes, behaviors and
habits that brought on Crisis; these same elements will keep the Cultural
Renaissance progressing until things change.
Of course, this only works
where families both bond within and connect without--not isolating themselves but strengthening their
relationships with each other and the rest of the community.
And it works most
effectively where families reject the temptation to draw factional, us/them
lines, and instead reach out and build new relationships.
The Little Things That Make
a Huge Difference
Here is the pattern: improve
marriages, strengthen family relationships, make new friends, and build
stronger connections with friends and community.
This naturally overcomes
Crisis, and without it Crisis Periods persist and worsen.
Ironically, it is the little
things that will most likely win (or lose) this battle. In the next decade, improving your
marriage one hour a day (at least) may be the most important thing you can do
for society. Same with many hours a week spent actively talking with and doing
activities together with children and grandchildren.
Seldom has so much depended
on such little things!
Will we follow the course of
societies past that have lost their way and crumbled under the devastating
forces of economic upheaval, war and other crises? Or we pull together as
families and communities to create a brighter future?
If we get it right, we'll
also see a renaissance of America and, hopefully, watch it spread to the world.
No matter what experts may say or what historians may someday write about our
times, it will certainly be defined by either the Demise or the Renaissance of
the Family.
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